Pastoral Search Committee Report

In our search for a suitable pastor, the following scratch sheet
was developed for your perusal. Of the candidates investigated
by the committee,only one was found to have the necessary
qualities. The list contains the names of the candidates and 
comments on each, should you be interested in investigating
 them further for future pastoral placements.

 NOAH: He has 120 years of preaching experience, but no converts.

 MOSES: He stutters; and his former congregation says he loses his
temper over trivial things.

 ABRAHAM: He took off to Egypt during hard times. We heard
 that he got into trouble with the authorities and then tried to lie 
his way out.

 DAVID: He is an unacceptable moral character. He might have been
considered for minister of music had he not 'fallen.'

 SOLOMON: He has a reputation for wisdom but fails to practice what he
preaches.

 ELIJAH: He proved to be inconsistent, and is known to fold under
pressure.

 HOSEA: His family life is in a shambles. 
Divorced, and remarried to a prostitute.

 JEREMIAH: He is too emotional, alarmist; some 
say a real 'pain in the neck.'

 AMOS: Comes from a farming background. Better off picking figs.

 JOHN: He says he is a Baptist but lacks tact and dresses like a hippie.
Would not feel comfortable at a church potluck supper.

 PETER: Has a bad temper, and was heard to have even denied Christ
publicly.

 PAUL: We found him to lack tact. He is too harsh, His appearance is contemptible, and he preaches far too long.

 TIMOTHY: He has potential, but is much too young for the position.

 JESUS: He tends to offend church members with his preaching, especially Bible scholars. He is also too controversial.  He even offended the
search committee with his pointed questions.

 JUDAS: He seemed to be very practical, co-operative, good with money, cares for the poor, and dresses well.  We all agreed that he is just the
man we are looking for to fill the vacancy as our Senior Pastor.

 Thank you for all you have done in assisting us with our pastoral
search.

 Sincerely,
 The Pastoral Search Committee